Colored Lights
by misty23y
Summary: When Lester loses a bet to Bobby, he has to become a human Christmas tree. Time to find out how that worked out for him. Established Babe, one-shot, inspired by FB post.


**Disclaimer: Characters all belong to Janet Evanovich.**

**Warning: Do not try this at home.**

**A/N: This one-shot was inspired by a video posted on the Ranger Should Get the Girl Group page on Facebook. I hope it lives up the expectations.**

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**Colored Lights**

"Babe, I'm sorry. I have to cancel our date for tonight. I have to cover Lester's shift on the monitors."

"Why? What did he do now?"

"Look, I can't explain it. It's too comical. Hector will be over in a little while with a video. I'll try to come over when the shift is over."

Click. Ranger hung up on me again. I sighed. I guess I should be used to it by now. Ranger and I started dating three months ago after I caught Joe in bed with a nurse from St. Francis. That was the last straw in our relationship. A month later, Ranger made his move. We've been dating since and try to go out on an official date at least twice a week. Tonight was one of our date nights. I guess whatever Lester did was serious for Ranger to be canceling.

I head into my bedroom to change into sweats and a long-sleeved t-shirt. I pull on my fuzzy candy-cane designed socks, all ready for a night in watching Hallmark Christmas movies. Suddenly, there was a knock on my door.

"Bomber, it's me, Bobby and Hector."

I go to the door and let my friends in. In Bobby's hands is a tablet, one that I can only assume holds the video that Ranger warned me about. I take a good look into Bobby's and Hector's eyes, seeing amusement twinkling. "What did Lester do this time?"

"He decided to become a human Christmas tree."

"A human Christmas tree? Why? How? What did he do? String himself up in a set of lights and hang garland around himself?"

At that, both men started laughing hysterically. I just put my hands on my hips and gave them both the patented Burg glare. Since neither was telling me what happened, I felt my anger was warranted.

"Sorry, Bomber, but that's exactly what Lester did, minus the garland."

"That not even best. Best is he no wear clothes. When lights plugged in." Hector started laughing again.

"Let's just say Corrine will need to visit Treasure Pleasure to get her kicks."

"What happened? Why did Lester do it?"

At that question, Bobby looked sheepish. "He lost a bet."

"He lost a bet? What kind of bet has the outcome be making oneself into a Christmas tree?"

"Now, Steph, don't get mad. We know how you don't like us betting on you, but it wasn't really anything bad. We weren't betting on you being hurt or injured. We just were betting on how you would react to Ranger."

Hector became sober-looking, shaking his head at Bobby, knowing full well that Bobby was in the wrong, or at least, that's how I interpreted his expression.

"What was the bet, Robert Brown?"

I watch Bobby cringe as I used his full name. Then, he sighed! My Merry Man actually sighed!Yay for me.

"Well, we knew that Ranger bought you that car. We know the way you are fiercely independent. I thought that since Ranger bought you a two-year-old Rav4 as opposed to the brand new custom Porsche Cayenne, he wanted to buy you, that you would accept the gift with minimal pushback. Lester said that you wouldn't accept even a two-year-old car because you would feel that it would make people think that you were only with Ranger for his money. How you weren't even dating for much more than a month, and Ranger was already buying you a car."

I wanted to be angry at Bobby and Lester for wagering on me, but since it really was a harmless bet, one that was really more about Ranger than me, I let it slide. I don't mind if they are contemplating my reaction to something that will benefit me instead of when I could be potentially killed next when my car inevitably blows up.

"Bobby, it's okay. I don't mind. So, what happened?"

"That what the video show you," Hector said.

He turned the tablet around, so it was facing me, and set it down on the table, propped up so I could easily see the images. I see the inside of Lester's apartment at Rangeman. First, the camera pans around the room. Les has a black leather couch, with modern black Formica-like end tables and a coffee table. As I see the walls, I notice he has pictures up. I smile at his choice in art, silhouettes of curvy women. The camera then aims at the hallway from the bedroom, where I see Lester walkout, naked from the waist up. I think I might have drooled a little at the sight of his eight pack. Lester is hot, not as hot as Ranger, but a very close number two.

He must easily have two or three sets of lights wrapped around him. The lights are crisscrossed over his torso, almost looking like suspenders. When he turns his back to the camera, I can see that he wrapped them around his waist and in between in legs, covering him as a G-string would, showing off his ass nicely. The final section of the lights is wrapped around his upper thigh, two or three times. My he really does have a fine ass. What? I'm a female, and I'm alive. No harm in admiring a magnificent specimen. After all, I'm only looking, not touching. I can tell that he's holding the end of the string, looking around towards the floor.

"He isn't going to plug himself in, is he?"

"You'll see, Bomber."

I watch in horror as Lester bends over slightly, allowing his ass to show prominently in the camera before I see the strands light up. Then, I hear a high-pitched shriek, watch Lester jump before yanking the plug out of the outlet. I finally can't hold in the laughter anymore and break out into hysterics. Tears are falling down my face, and I fall on the floor, laughing so hard. My reaction seems to set off Hector and Bobby, and soon enough, the three of us are laughing like loons. When I finally stop laughing, recovering from the stitch in my side and catch my breath, I ask the next question, "what happened?"

Bobby replied, "Well, apparently, Lester got a little electric shock, to his, you know, favorite appendage."

"He break his cock. Sad, because it is impressive." Hector commented, shaking his head. Now I'm a little jealous that Hector got to see it and I didn't. It would be good for me to see it, you know, for educational purposes, like to see if Lester or Carlos is bigger. I'm guessing Carlos, but I could be wrong.

"I'm not sure when he'll be able to use it again. But right now, he's hurting."

Poor Les and poor Corinne. Corinne is a curvy paralegal who works for the Rangeman attorney. Lester met her about a month ago, and they've been an exclusive item since then. She's good for him, she doesn't take any of his crap.

"I hope Les has learned his lesson."

"I think he has, especially since Ranger saw the video and ordered him on monitors overnight starting Christmas Eve at 2200 until January 2nd at 0600. This is the first year that Ranger won't be on that shift."

"Well, then, I guess I should thank Lester," I reply.

"Want to go visit him?"

"Let's go."

I run to my room to put a bra back on and to grab all of my Christmas light-up necklaces to give to Lester. After all, if he's going to be a tree, he should be one safely. When Bobby and Hector see my stash, they both laugh.

"Bomber, you're an evil woman. And I love you for it. Let's go."

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**A/N2:** I know this is a little different from my normal writing. It was nice to write something humorous and happy for a change. Feliz Navidad. :-)

Thank you, Susan, for being my awesome beta. Please read and review.


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